Why stop yourself? Now is the time to shout EFF IT ALL and do what you want!

What do you really want to do in life? Like seriously?
 Job wise? Lifestyle Wise? Confidence Wise? Anything Wise?

Well if you need some help here are my answers:

- Job wise- as many of my readers know, I want to be a burlesque performer. I want to shimmy my way through life!

- Lifestyle wise- I won't tell you everything but there are many things I need to sort out for myself, which I haven't done and in reality I should of done a long time ago.

- Confidence Wise- I want to rock up to my school one day in what I feel comfortable. Wearing full on vintage or full on goth and not to give a care about what anyone says, my body, my clothes, my choice! Got an issue? then jog on sunshine!

- Anything Wise- I want to do everything I can during the summer, camp out under the stars? YES PLEASE! have a bonfire? Why the hell not! Go skinny dipping in the freezing British sea, EFF IT YOU WILL SEE MY BEAUTIFUL BOOTY!

So with my bottom on your mind and your dreams in your hands, here are the four songs I use when I think about what I want to do- I won't tell you what they are, you will have to click on them (if you wish) and find out for yourself. I did this as a starting point for you, by clicking on the four links, think of it as the start of your adventure:

Those who need a kick up the arse and need some confidence

Those who are recovering from anything

Those who feel like they need a little more fabulous in their life

Those who just wanna do what they want and shout EFF IT ALL at the tops of their lungs

The reason why I write this now is because recently I have had three things that have changed my mind on everything:

1. The Fourth of July at about 2:30 am in morning:

Now before you ask, it wasn't because it was Independence Day but something completely different. 

On this particular day, I was going to do something that I had never done before and in all honestly scared the pants of me.... 

Grade 5 Musical Theater Singing Exam

And I was scared.... very scared. Actually I was terrified and then some.

It was 2:30 am on the 4th of July. I hadn't got any sleep, I was sat up in my mismatched pj's, my stomach churning and my mind racing of everything that would go wrong. I got out of bed and went to the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face, I then sat on my bathroom floor (it was freezing but having a cold bottom wasn't my main concern!) I thought "oh Christ why did I do this?" and just kept thinking that. I thought of my songs. Mon Homme- A classic Cabaret song about a woman who is abused by her lover, made very famous by Ziegfeld Follies, which I would perform with a picture of Stanley from A Streetcar Named Desire. Love For Sale by Cole Porter- from The New Yorkers, sung by a prostitute who sees no point in sugar coating her job, half way through I would throw rose petals on the floor and later throw the rose that they where picked from, Ella Fitzgerald was very well known for flawlessly performing this song. And my last song, Science Fiction Double Feature- Rocky Horror Picture Show, my favorite musical of all time, sung by the usherette who also plays my favorite character Magenta, I had made a popcorn box, I had a lace hat but I lacked the confidence to be the usherette. I sat on the floor and almost cried, but then I thought, Rocky Horror? What would  Dr .Frankenfurter say on the matter.....? I got up off the floor and Youtubed Don't Dream It Be It. I cried, but I also realized "I have one shot, if don't believe in each of those performances, you won't have done yourself justice, you have always wanted to be the Usherette/ Magenta in Rocky Horror, this could be your only chance." With that in mind I slept, I woke up, still nervous but with Tim Curry singing in my head, making me realize what I could do. 

Here's me before the exam taken by my lovely singing teacher Alex Carter (she sings live, defo well worth going to see her perform!)

And hey, you know what... I sang like my life depended on it and I think I nailed it. I was performing like I was in The Rocky Horror Picture Show and its the best I have ever sung Science Fiction Double Feature. 

 I also have two performance on sunday, I am terrified but I know that I will think of Rocky Horror when I embrace the stage twice in one evening. 

2. Eugh.... Personal Statement 

ahhh yes, I've had to start doing this. In under a year I will be (hopefully!) leaving the nest and I will be a *gasp* STUDENT (dun, dun, dunnnnnnn!) 

We where all asked what we applied for, I'm applying for drama/ acting and every time someone asked me what I wanted to do and I said my course I would get a huge lecture on "OHHHH THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY IS SO DIFFICULT TO GET INTO, YOU NEED A BACK UP PLAN, ITS VERY DIFFICULT FOR WOMEN TO GET INTO THE INDUSTRY ect ect drone drone drone". I sat down to do my personal statement and I thought, Why the eff am I even doing this when I know I wont get anywhere? If I do it will be for comedy- nothing funnier than a fat girl trying to act, I am nowhere near attractive to do this... I postponed writing my personal statement, I sat in my room in silence, I rolled up in a ball and watched Dr Phil and Jeremy Kyle to make me feel better about myself- but really made me feel worse. But then my brain took a hold, smacked me round the face and shook me up and down like a cocktail shaker, it said to me

"WHAT THE HELL ARE DOING? GET OFF YOUR BUTT, GET ON THAT COMPUTER AND TYPE THAT STATEMENT. YOU WILL ONLY FEEL WORSE ABOUT NOT DOING IT. Listen hear Eleanor Ophelia or what ever the bloody hell you call yourself nowadays, you know what are kinda doing, yes its difficult, yes its a pain and of course you have chosen the hardest industry in the history of man (and its not, every one tells you that and you do) but you won't get anywhere if you don't bloody try."

As I typed I thought:

- don't you think I know how difficult it is, I have clearly thought about it before applying, I'm thinking of courses that cover more than just acting, but writing, directing, producing- more to fall back on

- yes I am a bigger girl than most, but for your info I've lost over half a stone, my talent should be more important than my appearance

- one day, it will pay off and I will be able turn round and say BITE ME BITCH

So many people have failed before becoming big. Lana Del Rey started as Lizzy Grant, she failed first time round, but it didn't stop her, she became Lana and in that became one of the most successful musicians in the industry right now. She is proof that if you don't succeed at first, then try and try again. 

Lizzy to Lana

3 One day, you will look back on all this...

I thought about this today after finishing John Green's "Looking For Alaska". 

You have one life. I hate thinking about the future, my biggest fear is the future and is what makes me feel upset the most. 

But think about it- when your old and eating rich tea biscuits and you reflect on your life, would you want to feel like you haven't done a dream of yours? The likely chance is the answer is no. 

This is your chance, you don't have another. It can be over in a millisecond, do what the bloody hell your heart wants- if someone tries stops you, they are not worth your time. If a lover doesn't love you and treat you with the respect you deserve, then they are not worth loving, that love is for someone who deserves it. 

ITS YOUR ONLY SHOT. ITS YOUR LIFE. YOU CONTROL IT. And I wish someone had told me that when I younger.

Here are some of my dreams that I want to look back on one day and say I've done at least once.