Thirty Day writing challenge- Day eleven

I'm finding it quite tricky to be motivated with today's blog post, not only because its a subject that I don't really like talking about but also because I'm not feeling today at all (bleugh).

Day Eleven- discuss your current relationship status, if single, still discuss

I

Am

Single 

And my feelings about this are... bittersweet, at best.

One the one hand, I really do quite like being single, I'm a very independent person who likes her space- I sleep diagonally in bed so there's definitely no room for anyone else!

I need time alone in order to function like a normal human and sometimes the idea of human contact makes me kinda wanna screech like a cat that's just had a hot poker plonked on its face; if I'm in a horrible mood the best thing is for me to be alone, play some loud and angsty music for three hours and then come back right as rain.

Also, I am bloody disorganised wreck who can't look after myself and the idea of also having to care for someone else can be incredibly daunting at times and I do think that sometimes I'm not the best person to be around. 

But also in the same breath, being single sometimes really sucks. 

Everyone around me seems to be finding people to go out with making me feel like a hideous unattractive lump, I've been rejected so many times now that I just feel like theres no hope for me. My mum always said that there's someone for everyone but I feel like I will be the expection of that statement, out of everyone and sometimes I might as well just spend the rest of my days locked in my room listening to Adele songs, hiding under blankets, comfort eating and crying. 

I've also have this overriding fear about having a relationship as well, I've only ever had one relationship and it ended so so badly that I still worry that every relationship I may have could be like that, which I know is completely untrue but I am so scared that it will, it complete puts me off the idea.

I'm really hypocritical because I am always that person if someone asks about boys I'm like "I DON'T NEED A MAN TO DEFINE ME! I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DON'T NEED NO MAN!!" but at the same time, I can crave affection and for someone to love me back romantically- I suppose the best thing I can do for now is to learn to love myself and then work on the ability to find romance (unless there is someone who isn't telling me something...) 

However, a relationship shouldn't define you, the greatest love you could ever achieve is the ability to love yourself.

Wow, that was deep and emotional, now allow me to cry and I'll be fine, see you all tomorrow! xx